


The Crew of the Enterprise Plays Strip Poker, and Jim Gets Wildly Drunk

by carlie1197



Category: Misc Star Trek RP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:05:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3654834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carlie1197/pseuds/carlie1197
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim: ...you want my man-meat?</p><p>Spock: I am not a cannibal, Captain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Crew of the Enterprise Plays Strip Poker, and Jim Gets Wildly Drunk

**Captain Kirk:** ~AN HOUR AFTER THE SHIFT~

 

 **Captain Kirk:** -knocks on Chekov's door- Chekov!

 

 **Chekov:** -Opens door- Da?

 

 **Captain Kirk:** -grins at the young ensign- Well, I was thinking about what you said earlier. I don't want my crew to feel lonely so I was thinking we could go and have some fun.

 

 **Chekov:** -Staring at him, confused- Umm.. Keptin--???

 

 **Captain Kirk:** Not--- Not like that, Chekov. You're far too young for me. -grins- And to be honest you're not exactly my type. You'd have better luck with Sulu for that, maybe.

 

 **Chekov:** -A light blush spreads across his cheeks- Um.. Exactly, vhat are we going to do?

 

 **Captain Kirk:** There's a poker game I got together going on in Rec Room Three. We've got Bones, Uhura, Sulu, Scotty, and a few other Ensigns. The Commander probably isn't gonna be there, something about it being "illogical".

 

 **Captain Kirk:** -shrugs- And if a few bottles of beer happen to turn up, well, I don't know anything about it.

 

 **Captain Kirk:** That's all McCoy.

 

 **Chekov:** -Beams- Zat sounds wery exciting!

 

 **Chekov:** But Keptin, I do not know how to play poker--

 

 **Chekov:** Ze fellow crew members do not let me play the game with them when zhey are engaging in it because of their betting

 

 **Captain Kirk:** Come on, we'll teach you. It's something every budding young man has to know how to play. It's like a Rite of Passage.

 

 **Chekov:** Oh, okay! Can you give me a moment to change? I am currently in my sleep clothes..

 

 **Captain Kirk:** -looks at Chekov's pajamas and holds back laughter- Yeah, yeah. It's Rec Room Three. I'll meet you there.

 

 **Chekov:** _____________________________________________________

 

 **Chekov:** -Arrives to Rec room three- I am here!

 

 **Captain Kirk:** -looks up from tabler- Chekov! Grab a seat!

 

 **Chekov:** -Takes the empy seat next to Sulu- How do I play?

 

 **Sulu:** Well, it's pretty easy once you get the hang of it.

 

 **Sulu:** -Gives a brief explanation-

 

 **Jim:** Ready to play?

 

 **Chekov:** Ahh, okay. Zhank you Mr. Sulu. I think i understand now.

 

 **Chekov:** -Nods- I am ready.

 

 **Jim:** -grins at everyone- Are you prepared to have your asses thoroughly beaten?

 

 **Uhura:** -raises an eyebrow- We'll see about that, Captain.

 

 **Bones:** -Snorts- You're gonna eat those words Jim.

 

 **Chekov:** I thought we were playing poker--

 

 **Sulu:** He meant figuratively, Pavel.

 

 **Jim:** -laughs- Well we could make this interesting.

 

 **Bones:** Define interesting.

 

 **Jim:** -He gives Bones a shit-eating grin-

 

 **Uhura:** I don't like that look.

 

 **Bones:** Jim...

 

 **Jim:** -grin still in place- Rememer the game we had last Summer at Star Base 2?

 

 **Bones:** -Gives him a look that is utterly done- You're not serious.

 

 **Jim:** Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it.

 

 **Jim:** -In a mock-flirtatious voice- You have very feminine legs, Doctor. I'm surprised you keep them covered all the time.

 

 **Bones:** I'm gonna kill you one day, I swear Jim.

 

 **Sulu:** Are you guys hinting at strip poker?

 

 **Chekov:** Strip poker?

 

 **Jim:** Bingo, Lieutenant.

 

 **Uhura:** You have to be kidding me.

 

 **Uhura:** There's no way I'm going to be stripping in front of all of you.

 

 **Jim:** No faith in your poker skills?

 

 **Bones:** Jim, you and I both know you're not too good at Strip poker either.

 

 **Jim:** -makes a face- Shut up, old man. Deal the cards.

 

 

 **Bones:** Prepare to meet your maker kid. -Begins shuffling the deck and dealing the cards-

 

 **Chekov:** Umm... Can someone explain to me vhat strip poker is?

 

 **Uhura:** Every time you lose a round, you're supposed to remove an article of clothing.

 

 **Chekov:** -Nods- Oh, alright. Thank you for telling me zat.

 

 **Sulu:** -Picks up his cards- Alright, let's get started.

 

 **Uhura:** There's no way I'm doing this sober. I propose that we should be able to opt to either take a shot or remove an article of clothing, but you can only take a shot three times. Then we'll be sufficiently drunk enough to not care.

 

 **Jim:** If that makes you comfortable.

 

 **Jim:** ________________________?________________________?_______________

 

 **Jim:** ~TWO HOURS LATER~

 

 **Jim:** -throws down cards and bangs a hand on the table- Damn!

 

 **Bones:** -Drunkenly chuckles- C'mon Jimmy, take it off.

 

 **Jim:** -stands up and unbuckles his jeans, having already removed his top-

 

 **Uhura:** -snorts and looks away from his crotch-

 

 **Jim:** -slowly and drunkenly strips out of his jeans while doing a little dance-

 

 **Chekov:** -Is currently down to a white t-shirt he had underneath his clothes and a pair of star fleet issued shorts- Wow Keptin, you were not as good as I thought...

 

 **Sulu:** Wow, nice package man--

 

 **Jim:** What are you talkin' about Chekov, that dance was amazing. I learned it from a stripper back at... back at Star Base 3?

 

 **Bones:** Best damn stripper I ever saw -Hiccup=

 

 **Jim:** I dunno, some Orion girl.

 

 **Chekov:** I meant at poker, sir.

 

 **Jim:** -frowns- Hey, that's no way to talk to an expert.

 

 **Jim:** -sits back down-

 

 **Chekov:** -Snort- Expert? Keptin, you are ze only one who is down to his undergarments in ze room.

 

 **Jim:** Not my fault you all wore extra clothing.

 

 **Uhura:** Face it Jim, you're poker skills aren't up to par.

 

 **Uhura:** *your

 

 **Chekov:** Not my fault zat I was smart enough to -Wears a childish grin-

 

 **Jim:** You little shit! You knew what it was!

 

 **Chekov:** Of course Keptin. I'm Russian, do you really think I am zat innocent?

 

 **Chekov:** -Bats eyelashes-

 

 **Uhura:** -stares open-mouthed at Chekov- You played us all.

 

 **Chekov:** -Nods- Of course I did

 

 **Sulu:** Wow--

 

 **Sulu:** I never took you for manipulative--

 

 **Jim:** We're starting another round. -stares at Chekov- New goal, team: Get Chekov out of those clothes.

 

 **Uhura:** -snorts into drink- That didn't sound suggestive at all

 

 **Chekov:** -Smirks- As they say in the 21st century, come at me.

 

 **Bones:** Is anyone else here seeing 2 Chekov's?

 

 **Bones:** -Mutters- I'm too damn drunk for this.

 

 **Bones:** -Deals cards-

 

 **Jim:** -studies cards in his hand- You can't deal for shit, can you?

 

 **Bones:** Fuck off

 

 **Chekov:** Tsk tsk, Keptin. Don't blam ze doctor's dealing your terrible skills

 

 **Chekov:** *blame

 

 **Jim:** -gives Chekov a look-

 

 **Jim:** -moves forward all of his chips into the center, bluffing but keeping a poker face- I'm all in.

 

 **Chekov:** -Raises an eyebrow- Are you sure, Keptin?

 

 **Jim:** Yeah, c'mon. Let's see the cards all of you got.

 

 **Uhura:** -puts down her cards with a sigh- -it's nothing fancy-

 

 **Bones:** -Puts down his own cards- Fuck it.

 

 **Jim:** -lays down a full house-

 

 **Sulu:** -Flops his cards down- Here we go.

 

 **Jim:** -shit-eating grin is once again present-

 

 **Uhura:** -looks at Jim's cards in surprise-

 

 **Uhura:** Hey, finally.

 

 **Chekov:** -Frowns- Oh no.... -Slaps down cards- Royal straight flush! -He wears a shit eating grin of his own-

 

 **Chekov:** Take it off, Keptin!

 

 **Jim:** -stands up sharply, his chair falling back- Fuck!\

 

 **Chekov:** You almost got me -Smiles-

 

 **Jim:** -looks down at his underwear-

 

 **Sulu:** -Snorts- You know the rules man.

 

 **Jim:** Oh I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you? Hm? You want me to get naked so I'll have to run through the halls back to my quarters with one hand covering my package? Because how embarrassing would that be, am I right? -waving arms around drunkenly-

 

 **Uhura:** Pretty much.

 

 **Chekov:** As a matter of fact, yes, yes I would.

 

 **Bones:** Yeah.

 

 **Sulu:** -Nods-

 

 **Jim:** -leaps over poker table, narrowly missing sitting in Bones's lap, and makes a dash for the pile of discarded clothes in the middle of the room-

 

 **Jim:** -he sweeps them up and sprints out the door-

 

 **Chekov:** HEY!

 

 **Chekov:** -Chases-

 

 **Bones:** DAMNIT JIM

 

 **Sulu:** What the hell!

 

 **Uhura:** -covers her chest and runs after him-

 

 **Jim:** -cackling wildly as he runs down the halls of the enterprise-

 

 **Jim:** -looks back at Chekov- I win this time!

 

 **Chekov:** -Cursing at hhim in Russian-

 

 **Jim:** Didn't understand that!

 

 **Uhura:** Get back here Jim!

 

Spock joined the chat

 

 **Jim:** -runs through the cafeteria-

 

 **Bones:** Get back here you little bastard!

 

 **Sulu:** -Yelling various threats involing cutting off his genitals and killing his future grandchildren-

 

 **Spock:** -Is currently rounding a corner as he hears the commotion- Hm?

 

 **Jim:** -runs to intercom- This is your Captain speaking: -laughs- Bones has girly legs.

 

 **Jim:** -runs away from intercom quick enough that he narrowly misses the group running at him-

 

 **Bones:** -Chucks beer bottle at Jim-

 

 **Uhura:** -stares in horror after Jim- -she drunkenly stares at the intercom- Woah, no, that didn't just broadcast throughout the ship.

 

 **Uhura:** Oh, shit, he broadcasted that out as a signal.

 

 **Jim:** -running-

 

 **Bones:** I'm gonna kill him!

 

 **Sulu:** The game just got serious--

 

 **Jim:** -runs out of the cafeteria and down the hallway-

 

 **Jim:** -rounds the corner at the end of the hallway-

 

 **Spock:** -Rounds another corner, he ends up slamming into the Captain-

 

 **Uhura:** -drunkenly broadcasting a signal to other ships to ignore the last message sent-

 

 **Jim:** Oof!

 

 **Jim:** -runs into Spock-

 

 **Spock:** -Is caught off guard and knocked to the ground-

 

 **Spock:** Captain, what is the meaning of this?

 

 **Jim:** -blinks drunkenly at Spock while laying ontop of him, not hearing the noises of his pursuers draw nearer-

 

 **Jim:** Spocky Spock Spock... -taps Spock's nose with his finger- Boop.

 

 **Spock:** Captain.... Are you inebriated?

 

 **Jim:** -giggles- Nooo, nononononono Spock.

 

 **Spock:** I will take that as a yes. -Rises-

 

 **Jim:** -plucks a pair of pants off of his shoulder-

 

 **Jim:** Spoooock why aren't you naked?

 

 **Bones:** -Catching up, clearly angry- Jim, I'm gonna kill you!

 

 **Jim:** Are you like the only one here clothed?

 

 **Jim:** -doesn't hear Bones because he's fixed on Spock's lack of nakedness-

 

 **Spock:** Not now, Captain. -Stands in front of Jim- Dr. McCoy, you will not be murdering anyone.

 

 **Jim:** OOooooohhh, "not now", he says.

 

 **Spock:** -Slightly narrows his eyes-

 

 **Bones:** -Growls- Jim, gimme my clothes.

 

 **Jim:** -peers around Spock's shoulder- Heeey, Bones.

 

 **Chekov:** -Finally catching up-

 

 **Chekov:** -Sees spock-

 

 **Chekov:** -Curses in Russian-

 

 **Jim:** Nice panties, are those the ones I gave you for Christmas?

 

 **Jim:** -doubles over giggling-

 

 **Jim:** -doubles over giggling-

 

 **Bones:** Jim........

 

 **Spock:** Captain, give the doctor his clothes back.

 

 **Spock:** Or I will be forced to take this into my own hands

 

 **Jim:** I bet you'd like this in your hands *exaggerated wink*.

 

 **Jim:** -laughs and throws a shirt at Bones, still keeping his pants-

 

 **Bones:** -Catches shirt-

 

 **Spock:** You have forced my hand -Without effort he hoists the Captain into his arms.

 

 **Jim:** -drops the rest of the clothes in surprise-

 

 **Jim:** -yelps- Wha- no! Put me down.

 

 **Spock:** I believe it is time for you to sleep, Captain.

 

 **Jim:** Oooh, "sleep". I mean if you wanted it to be like this all you hadda do was ask, Spock. *slurring his words*

 

 **Spock:** As intriguing as the offer sounds, I would never take advantage of you while in this state.

 

 **Spock:** -Looks to everyone- I expect better behavior from you all in the future, regarding the rec room.

 

 **Jim:** -blinks, baffled- Waitwaitwaitwait. You tellin' me tha if I wasn't you'd totally be all over this?

 

 **Spock:** If that is how you interpret it, then possibly.

 

 **Jim:** -slowly blinks as he's jostled by the movement of Spock carrying him down the hall-

 

 **Jim:** ...you want my man-meat?

 

 **Spock:** I am not a cannibal, Captain.

 

 **Jim:** Y'know, my *stage whisper* throbbing python of love.

 

 **Spock:** I do not recall mentioning the reptillian species.

 

 **Jim:** All aboard the power drill express, Spock. Chooo choo. *mimes pulling a whistle*

 

 **Jim:** -giggles-

 

 **Spock:** .... Are these euphemisms for your penis, Captain?

 

 **Jim:** I prefer to call it my Pole of Penile Power.

 

 **Jim:** Heheh, I just came up with that right now.

 

 **Spock:** ... It is most definitely your designated bed time Captain. I better not see you asking for painkiller's from Doctor McCoy when you awake with a hangover. Consider it punishment

 

 **Spock:** -Carries him over the threshold-

 

 **Jim:** I can think of better ways for you to do that. *hiccup*

 

 **Jim:** -gasps loudly-

 

 **Jim:** Spock!

 

 **Jim:** You didn't even take me out to dinner first!

 

 **Spock:** Please do not refer to the Bondage, Sadism, and masochis lifestyle as I am carrying you. -Gives him an incredulous look- Captain, what is it?

 

 **Jim:** YOU'RE CARRYING ME OVER THE THRESHOLD LIKE I'M YOUR NEWLY WEDDED WIFE.

 

 **Jim:** Yo-You sick pervert I'M ONLY THIRTY-TWO

 

 **Spock:** And I am 36, what is your concern? I am merely putting you into your bed so that you may rest.

 

 **Jim:** Mm. -acknowledges him drunkenly-

 

 **Spock:** -Puts him in bed- Captain, go to bed.

 

 **Jim:** Spock. Spockspockspockspock.

 

 **Jim:** -reaches his arm out over the bed and blindy searches for Spock's arm to grab-

 

 **Spock:** -Raises an eyebrow- Yes?

 

 **Jim:** C'mere.

 

 **Spock:** -Sits beside him-

 

 **Jim:** -blinks into the darkness- Nonono come cloooserr, Commander.

 

 **Spock:** -Leans closer- What is it?

 

 **Jim:** -leans up so he's staring in Spock's eyes- -drops his voice to a low whisper-

 

 **Jim:** I wanna see your giggle stick.

 

 **Spock:** ...I assume you are referring to my genitals..

 

 **Jim:** -a giggle escapes him-

 

 **Spock:** Do you always act like this when intoxicated?

 

 **Jim:** Maaaaybe.

 

 **Spock:** It is very childish.

 

 **Jim:** Noo, I'm honest.

 

 **Jim:** I bet yours in the prettiest in the fleet.

 

 **Spock:** Genitals are not pretty.

 

 **Spock:** Your eyes, they are pretty

 

 **Spock:** But not genitals Captain.

 

 **Jim:** But Spock, if anyone could make genitals pretty it'd be you.

 

 **Spock:** Please go to sleep, we will talk in the morning when you are sober, t'hy'la--

 

 **Jim:** Aw man, is this how you treat a girl? Take her to bed and then leeeave her? I'm offended, Mister.

 

 **Spock:** You are not female, Captain.

 

 **Spock:** Please, do sleep. I am growing concerned.

 

 **Jim:** Alriiiiigh... -rolls over so he's not facing Spock- Nighty night Spock.

 

 **Spock:** Goodnight, t'hy'la. Sleep well.

 

 **Jim:** -mumbles- Don' let the bed bugs bite...

 

 **Jim:** -quickly begins to fall asleep-

 

 **Spock:** -Leaves the room without another word-

 

 **Spock:** ________________________?________________________?________________________?________________________?_____

 

 **Jim:** ~THE NEXT MORNING~

 

 **Jim:** -shuffles into the cafeteria earlier than usual-

 

 **Jim:** -is wearing a pair of sunglasses-

 

 **Spock:** -Is currently working on some things via PADD while eating his breakfast- Goodmorning Captain

 

 **Jim:** -winces- -pads over to Spock's table-

 

 **Jim:** No need to yell. -He says, even though Spock was speaking softly.-

 

 **Spock:** I take it that you are suffering a hangover.

 

 **Jim:** -drops into the seat across from Spock and put his head in his hand- Mm.

 

 **Spock:** What do you remember from the previous night?

 

 **Jim:** I was just about to ask. What the hell happened?

 

 **Spock:** -Offers his glass of water- Drink this and I shall explain.

 

 **Jim:** -massages temples- Don't remember much.

 

 **Jim:** -stares at the water-

 

 **Jim:** -goes to sip it and makes a face- Ugh, is this necessary?

 

 **Spock:** To be frank, you, Ensign Chekov, Lieutenant Uhura, Lieutenant Sulu and Dr Mccoy engaged in a game of poker.

 

 **Spock:** Strip poker, judging by your nakedness at that moment.

 

 **Jim:** -sighs and drinks the water- Oh. Bones and I do that sometimes. Usually don't feel like this after, god... well, there was that one time, that's a whole other story

 

 **Jim:** Yeah, I remember some things.

 

 **Spock:** What do you remember specifically?

 

 **Jim:** -winces at the sound of his voice and leans his head on his hand, staring at the table- We played poker. You were there? No, but you weren't naked, so you weren't playing.

 

 **Jim:** -groans at he makes a realization- Oh, Bones is gonna kill me. I can't believe I did that.

 

 **Spock:** Is there anything else?

 

 **Jim:** Something about man-meat and you carrying me into my room. -snorts- Were we playing house or something? And something about BDSM and... -eyes widen a fraction- What did we do?

 

 **Jim:** I mean my ass doesn't feel sore, so... -furrows eyebrows-

 

 **Spock:** I did not take advantage of you in your inebriated state. If that i what you are implying. I never would.

 

 **Spock:** It is, illogical.

 

 **Jim:** -takes another sip of water- Wasn't worried about you taking advantage of me. Was worried about me taking advantage of your delicate man-flower.

 

 **Jim:** -shrugs- I'm a weird drunk, I've heard.

 

 **Spock:** Trust me Captain, you could not take advantage of me.

 

 **Spock:** I would simply not allow it

 

 **Jim:** Were you drunk too?

 

 **Spock:** Alcohol does not have the same effect on me that it does humans

 

 **Jim:** So is that a no?

 

 **Spock:** -Nods-

 

 **Jim:** Hm.

 

 **Spock:** Is that all you can remember?

 

 **Jim:** Just inquiring about the drunk thing, because I do seem to remember you saying something about my eyes being pretty.

 

 **Jim:** Could just be a drunk dream blurring with reality, I dunno.

 

 **Spock:** No, you are correct.

 

 **Spock:** I did note that I find your eyes to be pretty in comparison to genitals

 

 **Jim:** -chokes on water- In comparison to gentials? Gee, thanks Spock. Sure know how to make girl feel all tingly on the inside.

 

 **Spock:** Captain, I do not recall you being female.

 

 **Jim:** It's... -waves hand- it's not important.

 

 **Jim:** What other amazing comments did you bestow upon me last night?

 

 **Spock:** I simply brought you to rest.

 

 **Jim:** Hmm.

 

 **Jim:** -takes a piece of Spock's food off of his plate and nibbles on it, at least trying to eat-

 

 **Jim:** Tequila? Was there tequila involved? Or some other weird foreign drink? Teh-hee-luh, teh-hi-eh-la, something.

 

 **Spock:** T'hy'la, is the correct pronunciation.

 

 **Jim:** Must've been a damn good drink if it got me that drunk.

 

 **Spock:** It is not a drink, it is a word in Vulcan language. It had multiple meanings

 

 **Jim:** Why were you speaking Vulcan at me?

 

 **Spock:** Not quite, I only used one term

 

 **Jim:** Why?

 

 **Spock:** I used it in the context of importance regarding you. T'hy'la means brother, friend, lover...

 

 **Jim:** -raises eyebrow- Lover?

 

 **Spock:** I...

 

 **Spock:** No comment.

 

 **Jim:** -still staring at Spock-

 

 **Spock:** It can either mean one of those, all of them, or multiple uses.

 

 **Jim:** What did you mean it as?

 

 **Spock:** -Remains quiet-

 

 **Spock:** I.. Referred to all three aspects -Says this hesitantly, but surely, as he cannot lie-

 

 **Jim:** You... you love me. -Says this as a statement-

 

 **Spock:** -Nods-

 

 **Jim:** I -- *cuts off as he sees Bones and Sulu enter and start heading towards their table*

 

 **Jim:** -raises eyebrows at Spock- In that case, I think your eyes are pretty, too, Spock.

 

 **Spock:** -Looks away the tips of his ears burning green- Thank you, Captain....

 

 **Jim:** ~END~


End file.
